So, Riley who was supposed to be my best friend, totally betrayed me as a friend. She invited over the guy I’m still in love with, who broke my heart, and then decides to hide that, and the fact that he was all over Aubree. Then, later I find out she was encouraging her to date him…who does that? I would never do that to her.  Things got physical, and now she’s saying she got jumped, and her lovely stripper friend Ashley is posting all over facebook how much she loves Drew. I’m so disgusted by those people. But you know, trash does attract trash. 

The Giants lost. My boyfriend dumped me. I get bitched at during our relationship. And now, I’m getting tortured after it. I just want to fast forward through all this shit. I cannot deal…I need Xanies. & a blunt.

The other day, I went over to Drew’s house to celebrate our 8 months together, which he was so excited for….and then I get there, and I was on my period, but he then asked me why I came over if we weren’t going to have sex, not only did that CRUSH me, he went on to say that he couldn’t say he loved me anymore, and that he wasn’t happy dating me. I feel so embarrassed and disgusted, and most of all so sad. The one person that I could never imagine hurting me, that I’ve been through so much with, that I still love with all of me, hurt me the most. 

Fuck this.

And so Drew, holds the power of the relationship. And our break up yesterday made me want to die. And then today he says he still wants to be with me so everything is okay again? No. That’s not how things are supposed to work. But of course, I’m a pussy and give in. Because I love him. But I’m not sure that’s a good enough reason to get stepped on. Why am I so forgiving.. & after saying I wasn’t going to cut anymore, I cut again last night. And apparently for nothing. I’m so fucked up. I don’t even know what to do anymore.

I just wanted to say, that I’ve never been more in love with a person. And being so close to losing him these past two days have been hell. And I never want to go through that again. I love him with everything I have and everything about him. I love the feeling I get when I’m with him, and when I’m not with him I love the feeling I get when I see his name on my phone , or when he tells me he loves me. And I cannot imagine myself with anyone else . 

Hi. So here goes my rant. First off, today blows because I burnt the side of my face. I look uglier than normal. Cool. Now, secondly, me and Drew have been having a rocky relationship. He’s been real mean lately. But I of course put up with him, because I hope it’ll get better. No way would I be too mean. But anyway. We had a good day yesterday. So I wake up this morning feeling better, and I go on my iPod and facebook tells me I have a new message. I go to my inbox and a bunch of messages I didn’t recognize were there, especially one from Drew’s ex. I click, and drew forgot to log off my iPod and this conversation between them shows up. She was like begging him to take her back, and like he said he had a girlfriend, but he also said if he were single he’d try and date again… He totally hid that from me… And I just feel so hurt because I seriously try so hard to be good to him, even when he has his moods and treats me like shit, and I tell him EVERYTHING. And I bring this up to him, and he is just like “I should be breaking up with you for looking through my Facebook , but I won’t because I love you”…WHAT ?! I DIDN’T EVEN DO IT INTENTIONALLY. And then he was just like “dump me if you want” …. I feel like shit.

Never being good enough.